Make New Friends, But Keep the Old. The New is Silver and the Old is Gold

Italy, 2010

Lizzybeth

I wish there was something I could say

to bring us both back so many yesterdays.

We had our fight, we went our ways

We’re trying to mend it now with the things we say

Each side of the story spills the truth

of our separate and very different youths

I want to take a moment to remind you

of those fun-filled things we used to do

I’m going to put our best times

Into many separate little rhymes;

In hope that the way things used to be

Can once again be more than some sort of ancient history.

***********************************************

I’d sneak quarters from my dad

You’d stuff your pockets with baby-sitting money you already had

You’d ride your bike down my way,

and pick me up along the way

We’d ride to kwick trip, across the street

And buy every candy we’d thought we’d need

We popped in a movie back at your place

And we'd proceed to guiltlessly stuff our face

We laughed and talked till we fell asleep

We’d share everything about our week

Boys and friends we said it all

Those are my favorite conversations that I can recall.

******************************************************

Your basement was our sanctuary

Though things down there could get pretty scary

We walked like egyptians in a circle

We’d dress-up barbies to look like Erkle

We day dreamed about having our own prince

We got all grossed out when people in movies started to kiss

We talked to boys over fake telephones

We barely ever cleaned up before I went home

We spent hours making mansions out of blankets and couches

They’d cave-in and we’d turn into grouches

We sang Sk8ter boi at the top of our lungs

One of many songs we’d danced to and sung

You always did beat me at darts

I’m still fragile on sucking lol so don’t even start :P

We made faire houses out of boxes of kleenex

We found humor in learning we had a weenis

We colored rubber bands and wore them as bracelets

And we’d snap each others harder to see who could take it

We laid on the couch backwards and watched the blood rush to our heads

And we jumped on it so much I think we broke the fold-out bed

We made animals out of colorful beads and strings

We played cat’s cradle till our fingers would sting

Few of many good times shared in that place

If only we could go back to those days

***************************************************

You grabbed a sled and I grabbed a sled

We raced down the hill at such speed we should probably be dead

Jazzy would run after and try to jump on

We would scream and laugh and push at her until she moved on

We’d climb back up the hill just a number of times

Till we’d fall of our sleds and laugh so hard we would cry

Then we made the trek across the lake

We’d tilt our head up, stick our tongues out, and try to catch snow flakes

We went all out building our fort

To protect us from indians, Adam, and enemies of any sort

We called it fort Jazz, after our mascot

She kept following us there and simply wouldn’t stop

It lasted all winter, and through that spring

Who knew how many memories a simple stick fort could bring.

********************************************************

Antooko the monkey, now he’s quite a sight

But not as much as we all were that night

Brownies in the oven, we managed somehow to wait

While we waited for our snack pack of sugar to bake

Then half of the pan one person ate!

I dance like a fool on the mattress laying on the floor

I started singing “squishy” and danced around some more.

Antooko had no choice but to dance as you two watched from close-by

As I made a fool of myself on one of my many sugar highs.

**********************************************************

At the end of each summer we’d head to the pond

We’d sit in the canoe and whine and complain about how fast summer had gone

We wished that the school year wasn’t so long

We’d talk about our plans and reminisce on the things that we’d done

We’d make new goals for ourselves for the new year to come

We’d get stuck in the wind and have difficulty paddling to the other side

I’d paddle wrong or slow and the canoe would turn like a carnival ride.

We always managed to get back in before the sun disappeared behind that horizon line

Signaling the official end to our last day of summer time.

************************************************************

I hope you know what I’m trying to say

We can always have another yesterday

If you are you and me is me

How happy once again we may find ourselves to be

Although this is all hard to understand

You, will remain and always be my best friend

Maybe we are different people, people change

It only is important that our friendship stay the same

Right now it’s in need of a Dora Band-aid

But I know if we work hard, it can be saved

Just like all those beenie-babies we as doctors fixed-up that had no hope

Anything can be cleaned with a little water and your mom’s always good-smelling bathroom soap (:

Strategy

Cards;

I've only been taught the basics.

Casinos;

People say that the only way to come out-on top is to play the hands.

That cards are the only way to win big not basing your chances on sheer luck.

How do you play.

Know how to read faces, predicts others' next moves.

Know your cards, know what to play based on what's laid on the table in front for you to see.

And based on what the others might be holding in their hands.

I don't go-about pretending to be a professional at this stuff.

I'm not.

Is it a guessing game? Or is it a brilliant Strategy?

Isn't it, though, the same with life.

When we are very little, our parents tell us we can be anything we dream of.

When we are older, they pressure us to have a plan.

Because it's the only way to be successful and live a comfortable life.

To come out on top is

To have a strategy.

How do you play life.

You do good in school. You work hard.

You help others and others help you.

What happens if your plan doesn't work out. 

You fall in love.  You have a family. You can't afford school. You loose the job you planned for so long to get you through.

Then something happens, that throws it all off.

The dealer puts down a two of spades, instead of that queen of hearts you were counting on to lay down a full house.

To walk away with all of the chips you'd been collecting, that you worked hard for, that you bet on this game.
They sit in the middle of a table.
Up for grabs.
The one with the best strategy takes all.

What then.

Life gets messy.  There's a saying: If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.
Because plans are set to comfort us, to guide us.  And every once in a while life deals us a card that we didn't see coming.

You can give up.  

Toss your cards in the air, walk away from the table. 

Or you can DEAL.

Your choice.

Aimee KayLee.

Being "Phililosiphical"

"This I Knew, This I Know, and This I Cannot Know"

Giving advice is something I try hard to not fail at completley.  To know that all of the dumb, unfair, and hurtful things that I've done, or have had done to me, can help someone and possibly save them  from entering the same situation keeps me striving for words that will connect with others and help them to see my own side, in hopes that they will be able to take some piece of it into consideration of their own situation.
When I am handed a problem that is so important to the person who came to me, I'll admit I freak out a little bit.  As I talk, I talk slowly and I think of their reaction before everything I say.
Because the most important thing at this moment is to never lie.
Don't tell them what they want to hear just because it'll solve their problem faster.  That truly solves nothing at all.  It's so hard to see people getting upset, to see them cry because they hurt.  But there are times in life where "warm-fuzzies" will do nobody any justice.
These are those times where your advice can either hurt or help, and the line between is very thin.

So how do you tell someone that it's going to be okay, when they have chosen which side of the fork in the road to go down already, and they've already started walking down that path... but they've stopped and are no longer moving.  They are just standing there because they can't stop themselves from looking backwards at that road that they've just left.  A road they've traveled for so long. They used to know where it went, until suddenly they came upon a decision they hadn't before considered to exist.

You're job, as their friend, as someone who loves them, is to walk past them as they stand there.
You walk down that road further, and see what awaits them if they keep walking.
If you decide they should keep walking, and that road will not do them any harm but will help them,
it is then your job to push them to continue on their way.
If you see harm waiting for them, you take them by the hand and lead them back.

It's not  hard to tell when a person needs change, and that need is obvious.
A lost person has a very distinctive look: they talk with an uncertain tone, they talk in questions, and they have trouble forming the one actual question that they need to ask you ... because they don't really know what it is that they need at first.  They've lost themselves in time and they no longer know how to decide what is best for them.  
You have to be careful, because telling them what they should do will only allow them to not  think for themselves even more than they never have, you need to make them make the decision that is right for them.  They need to start there in order to start finding themselves, to start thinking for themselves, once again.

Tonight I saw the chance at new opportunities for you, and sitting there with you talking I knew that you had the answer of what you should do and what was right for you in your head the whole time.  It just needing a little more back-up opinion before you'd become sure that your decision was what you needed, and what you wanted.
I did my best to not tell you straight-up what I thought you should do,
I laid out possibilities and let you decide for yourself.
I informed you of any possible things I saw waiting for you down this road, and I warned you it is going to be hard.
But I believe that you're strong,
I think that you're smart and talented,
and I know that you are lost.
But I believe your decision is a choice that is going to lead you back to yourself in the end,
and that is was a very, very good decision that you made, though a hard one.
And I'm proud of you.
You know I'll be here when you become uncertain again, to push you to keep going.
And I'm so excited: because I, as well as so many others, love you for exactly who you are right now, lost and everything, and we can't wait to see who you become when you really find you again.

Love you Kikki: Who you are now, and who you are going to find yourself to be.

Growing-Up

Sometimes growing-up means doing things you don't really want to.
It means not liking every decision your going to have to make.
It means possibly loosing people you can't live without.
But it means becoming who you've always wanted to be.
It means making decisions that will lead you to where you really belong.
It means meeting new friends, and keeping the old ones,
They are the best ones, as well.
It's scary.
It's hard.
It can be mean.

But it's exciting.
Adventurous,
And hard work will pay-off.
It's a part of life none of us can really avoid.
You have to accept what's past and learn to love what's present.
Those who stay and accept changes will mean everything,
Those who leave, you can leave as well.
They are trying to grow-up too.
People are the only ones who make decisions hard.
If you'd only yourself to consider, what you choose wouldn't matter as much.
But when you care about friendship
When you care about anyone else
You're not allowed to care only for yourself and what you want.
Yet still,  you cannot forget to look out for you,
Because you is the only you that you get.
Things that are hard will get easier with time.
The clocks keep ticking.
And for every generation,
Growing-up will continue to happen all-too soon.

Avoiding Your Problems

There's always something that we don't want to do.  And we are determined to put it off until the last possible minute...be it an essay for class or changing the baby's diaper, we wait until it absolutely cannot be put-off any longer to buck-up and get it done.
Why?
When you push things to the back of your mind, they slowly eat at you until they get taken care of.  You have math homework, and you're invited to go out with some friends.  So you go out.  But while out all you are going to be able to think about is the sixteen linear equations sitting on your desk waiting for you when you get back to the house... and your not even able to enjoy having a good time.
I've tried, this being my first year of college, to become a little better at doing things ahead of time.  My Professor Reimringer told us the story of his old college professor's "back burner" theory on my second day of his comp. class, and I feel a version of it applies nicely here.

Picture a Stove, with a pot sitting on the back right burner.
That pot is your problem.
Now turn the stove on.  Those hot, blue flames licking the bottom of the pot is the heat that gets worse and worse as your problem sits there, burning in the back of your mind.
It will just get hotter and hotter, more dangerous the longer it is ignored.
Now add water.
This is you finally aknowledging the issue, taking it into consideration.
The water sits and bubbles, boiling in the back of your brain.
Now add noodles, or some other simple ingredient.
This is you coming -up with the easiest possible way out of your problem.
You soon realize however it won't be that easy to solve.
So you throw some meat in there, some herbs and spices.
This is you taking the time to find a solution that will work, giving a problem all the ingredients needed to be solved properly in time.  Once you're finished, you can enjoy the freedom that comes with the piece-of-mind, knowing you did things correctly and as they should be done, creating the perfect recipe-solution.

Your going to be hit with a lot of problems in time, and putting them off only makes things worse.  So don't avoid them, be careful and take your time in doing things right, and you'll be much more satisfied with your ending result.
I tried applying this theory towards homework and it's been working wonders... who knew that the solution to getting things done was as simple as... well, doing them?
Smart teachers.

Don't Give-Up

I putzed around a little this morning before heading to my math class and arrived two minutes before eight. My professor was already handing around the clipboard for attendance so my eyes scanned to room fast for a spot.  They passed over a guy in a red MN sweatshirt, then snapped back to the open computer next to him.  I took my seat and went to turn on my screen... but the damn thing wouldn't start. I was getting frustrated, and he watched me struggle for a couple of minutes before laughing.  He reached over me and proceeded to push the one button on the whole machine that for some reason I hadn't been able to find... it was the power button.
How Convenient.
I thanked him and laughed at myself to ease the embarrassment a little.  He told me no problem, he worked on computers all the time.  I don't really know anyone in that class so I grabbed at the opportunity for conversation.
If there is one thing I've found in all my years on this earth, it's that people really like to talk about themselves.  It is a subject that they never get bored of,  and the more questions I asked him the more I learned about his story.
He had dropped out of both high school and college, after struggling socially and falling behind academically in his classes.  He tried woking a full-time job for a couple of years, before he found he was really un-happy with his career and came clean with himself about needing to get an education.  So he went back and had to pretty-much start from scratch.
We didn't get much done in our class, and we found ourselves getting further and further off-topic as we talked.  One line, that he said at the very beginning of our conversation, stuck with me a while.  Even after class had already finished and I'd closed out of the program, screen still on problem number one.  He had shaken his head hard and waved his hands in a giant "x" gesture as he'd told me,
"I thought school was bad, but my job was worse so I came back. Don't ever drop out of college, just don't.  Because without it things really just fricken suck."
You know, sometimes the most unexpected people remind you of the most important things in the most unexpected ways.
I think Kevin was reminding me of how important it is to never, ever give-up.  Because things, I find, really always do get better.  And we are all capable of doing anything we put our minds too, as long as we work hard and go-out and get it. Things don't always go as planned, we are all too well aware of this fact. Every now and then, your gonna have to start over from scratch.
And that is perfectly okay.

Flashbacks

I was on my way to work today and I was running late, as I pretty much always am.  I whipped my car out of the driveway, took off down the street, and rounded the corner to come face-to-feace with a small girl (no I didn't hit her.)  She had just gotten off of the school bus, a couple blocks down now, and was probably walking home.  I took a second glance at her.  She was all decked-out; light-up shoes, a Mudd back-pack, and a Finding Nemo lunch box, carrying what looked to me like a Disney Princess notebook.  My heart fell a little.
I really like college, only three hours a day in school, waking-up early but getting out at like ten and having the rest of your day to get things  done.  It's pretty nice.
But now here I was, headed to work, while she went home to watch cartoons and fight over the best pieces of furniture for her barbie house with her sisters.  I remember being that little.
I didn't feel old, but almost immediately I became aware of time. Ten, maybe eleven years ago I was that little girl.  Trading gell-pens on the playground and eating glue just because someone dared me too.  Back when my homework assignments were crafts and coloring, not two hour geology lectures and college algebra.
I'll admit... I'm not fully grown-up.  As I sit here I can tell you that there are crayons spewed all over my desk, and my keyboard is sitting on top of a brightly-colored Tinker Bell folder.  However, I am old enough to be aware of how young I can no longer be and act (in public at least.)
I wanted to pull over and tell her to have fun, to enjoy freedom from responsibilities and worries.  To put-off growing up as long as she can.  That these are her days to dream, imagine, and believe that anything is possible.
I thought about this all the way to work... I left for work at two thirty, and arrived at two forty.  It's supposed to take me thirty minutes to get to work.
I wonder if that little girl will ever  grow-up to be be as bad of a driver as I am.