Being "Phililosiphical"

"This I Knew, This I Know, and This I Cannot Know"

Giving advice is something I try hard to not fail at completley.  To know that all of the dumb, unfair, and hurtful things that I've done, or have had done to me, can help someone and possibly save them  from entering the same situation keeps me striving for words that will connect with others and help them to see my own side, in hopes that they will be able to take some piece of it into consideration of their own situation.
When I am handed a problem that is so important to the person who came to me, I'll admit I freak out a little bit.  As I talk, I talk slowly and I think of their reaction before everything I say.
Because the most important thing at this moment is to never lie.
Don't tell them what they want to hear just because it'll solve their problem faster.  That truly solves nothing at all.  It's so hard to see people getting upset, to see them cry because they hurt.  But there are times in life where "warm-fuzzies" will do nobody any justice.
These are those times where your advice can either hurt or help, and the line between is very thin.

So how do you tell someone that it's going to be okay, when they have chosen which side of the fork in the road to go down already, and they've already started walking down that path... but they've stopped and are no longer moving.  They are just standing there because they can't stop themselves from looking backwards at that road that they've just left.  A road they've traveled for so long. They used to know where it went, until suddenly they came upon a decision they hadn't before considered to exist.

You're job, as their friend, as someone who loves them, is to walk past them as they stand there.
You walk down that road further, and see what awaits them if they keep walking.
If you decide they should keep walking, and that road will not do them any harm but will help them,
it is then your job to push them to continue on their way.
If you see harm waiting for them, you take them by the hand and lead them back.

It's not  hard to tell when a person needs change, and that need is obvious.
A lost person has a very distinctive look: they talk with an uncertain tone, they talk in questions, and they have trouble forming the one actual question that they need to ask you ... because they don't really know what it is that they need at first.  They've lost themselves in time and they no longer know how to decide what is best for them.  
You have to be careful, because telling them what they should do will only allow them to not  think for themselves even more than they never have, you need to make them make the decision that is right for them.  They need to start there in order to start finding themselves, to start thinking for themselves, once again.

Tonight I saw the chance at new opportunities for you, and sitting there with you talking I knew that you had the answer of what you should do and what was right for you in your head the whole time.  It just needing a little more back-up opinion before you'd become sure that your decision was what you needed, and what you wanted.
I did my best to not tell you straight-up what I thought you should do,
I laid out possibilities and let you decide for yourself.
I informed you of any possible things I saw waiting for you down this road, and I warned you it is going to be hard.
But I believe that you're strong,
I think that you're smart and talented,
and I know that you are lost.
But I believe your decision is a choice that is going to lead you back to yourself in the end,
and that is was a very, very good decision that you made, though a hard one.
And I'm proud of you.
You know I'll be here when you become uncertain again, to push you to keep going.
And I'm so excited: because I, as well as so many others, love you for exactly who you are right now, lost and everything, and we can't wait to see who you become when you really find you again.

Love you Kikki: Who you are now, and who you are going to find yourself to be.