Strategy

Cards;

I've only been taught the basics.

Casinos;

People say that the only way to come out-on top is to play the hands.

That cards are the only way to win big not basing your chances on sheer luck.

How do you play.

Know how to read faces, predicts others' next moves.

Know your cards, know what to play based on what's laid on the table in front for you to see.

And based on what the others might be holding in their hands.

I don't go-about pretending to be a professional at this stuff.

I'm not.

Is it a guessing game? Or is it a brilliant Strategy?

Isn't it, though, the same with life.

When we are very little, our parents tell us we can be anything we dream of.

When we are older, they pressure us to have a plan.

Because it's the only way to be successful and live a comfortable life.

To come out on top is

To have a strategy.

How do you play life.

You do good in school. You work hard.

You help others and others help you.

What happens if your plan doesn't work out. 

You fall in love.  You have a family. You can't afford school. You loose the job you planned for so long to get you through.

Then something happens, that throws it all off.

The dealer puts down a two of spades, instead of that queen of hearts you were counting on to lay down a full house.

To walk away with all of the chips you'd been collecting, that you worked hard for, that you bet on this game.
They sit in the middle of a table.
Up for grabs.
The one with the best strategy takes all.

What then.

Life gets messy.  There's a saying: If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.
Because plans are set to comfort us, to guide us.  And every once in a while life deals us a card that we didn't see coming.

You can give up.  

Toss your cards in the air, walk away from the table. 

Or you can DEAL.

Your choice.

Aimee KayLee.

Being "Phililosiphical"

"This I Knew, This I Know, and This I Cannot Know"

Giving advice is something I try hard to not fail at completley.  To know that all of the dumb, unfair, and hurtful things that I've done, or have had done to me, can help someone and possibly save them  from entering the same situation keeps me striving for words that will connect with others and help them to see my own side, in hopes that they will be able to take some piece of it into consideration of their own situation.
When I am handed a problem that is so important to the person who came to me, I'll admit I freak out a little bit.  As I talk, I talk slowly and I think of their reaction before everything I say.
Because the most important thing at this moment is to never lie.
Don't tell them what they want to hear just because it'll solve their problem faster.  That truly solves nothing at all.  It's so hard to see people getting upset, to see them cry because they hurt.  But there are times in life where "warm-fuzzies" will do nobody any justice.
These are those times where your advice can either hurt or help, and the line between is very thin.

So how do you tell someone that it's going to be okay, when they have chosen which side of the fork in the road to go down already, and they've already started walking down that path... but they've stopped and are no longer moving.  They are just standing there because they can't stop themselves from looking backwards at that road that they've just left.  A road they've traveled for so long. They used to know where it went, until suddenly they came upon a decision they hadn't before considered to exist.

You're job, as their friend, as someone who loves them, is to walk past them as they stand there.
You walk down that road further, and see what awaits them if they keep walking.
If you decide they should keep walking, and that road will not do them any harm but will help them,
it is then your job to push them to continue on their way.
If you see harm waiting for them, you take them by the hand and lead them back.

It's not  hard to tell when a person needs change, and that need is obvious.
A lost person has a very distinctive look: they talk with an uncertain tone, they talk in questions, and they have trouble forming the one actual question that they need to ask you ... because they don't really know what it is that they need at first.  They've lost themselves in time and they no longer know how to decide what is best for them.  
You have to be careful, because telling them what they should do will only allow them to not  think for themselves even more than they never have, you need to make them make the decision that is right for them.  They need to start there in order to start finding themselves, to start thinking for themselves, once again.

Tonight I saw the chance at new opportunities for you, and sitting there with you talking I knew that you had the answer of what you should do and what was right for you in your head the whole time.  It just needing a little more back-up opinion before you'd become sure that your decision was what you needed, and what you wanted.
I did my best to not tell you straight-up what I thought you should do,
I laid out possibilities and let you decide for yourself.
I informed you of any possible things I saw waiting for you down this road, and I warned you it is going to be hard.
But I believe that you're strong,
I think that you're smart and talented,
and I know that you are lost.
But I believe your decision is a choice that is going to lead you back to yourself in the end,
and that is was a very, very good decision that you made, though a hard one.
And I'm proud of you.
You know I'll be here when you become uncertain again, to push you to keep going.
And I'm so excited: because I, as well as so many others, love you for exactly who you are right now, lost and everything, and we can't wait to see who you become when you really find you again.

Love you Kikki: Who you are now, and who you are going to find yourself to be.

Growing-Up

Sometimes growing-up means doing things you don't really want to.
It means not liking every decision your going to have to make.
It means possibly loosing people you can't live without.
But it means becoming who you've always wanted to be.
It means making decisions that will lead you to where you really belong.
It means meeting new friends, and keeping the old ones,
They are the best ones, as well.
It's scary.
It's hard.
It can be mean.

But it's exciting.
Adventurous,
And hard work will pay-off.
It's a part of life none of us can really avoid.
You have to accept what's past and learn to love what's present.
Those who stay and accept changes will mean everything,
Those who leave, you can leave as well.
They are trying to grow-up too.
People are the only ones who make decisions hard.
If you'd only yourself to consider, what you choose wouldn't matter as much.
But when you care about friendship
When you care about anyone else
You're not allowed to care only for yourself and what you want.
Yet still,  you cannot forget to look out for you,
Because you is the only you that you get.
Things that are hard will get easier with time.
The clocks keep ticking.
And for every generation,
Growing-up will continue to happen all-too soon.

Avoiding Your Problems

There's always something that we don't want to do.  And we are determined to put it off until the last possible minute...be it an essay for class or changing the baby's diaper, we wait until it absolutely cannot be put-off any longer to buck-up and get it done.
Why?
When you push things to the back of your mind, they slowly eat at you until they get taken care of.  You have math homework, and you're invited to go out with some friends.  So you go out.  But while out all you are going to be able to think about is the sixteen linear equations sitting on your desk waiting for you when you get back to the house... and your not even able to enjoy having a good time.
I've tried, this being my first year of college, to become a little better at doing things ahead of time.  My Professor Reimringer told us the story of his old college professor's "back burner" theory on my second day of his comp. class, and I feel a version of it applies nicely here.

Picture a Stove, with a pot sitting on the back right burner.
That pot is your problem.
Now turn the stove on.  Those hot, blue flames licking the bottom of the pot is the heat that gets worse and worse as your problem sits there, burning in the back of your mind.
It will just get hotter and hotter, more dangerous the longer it is ignored.
Now add water.
This is you finally aknowledging the issue, taking it into consideration.
The water sits and bubbles, boiling in the back of your brain.
Now add noodles, or some other simple ingredient.
This is you coming -up with the easiest possible way out of your problem.
You soon realize however it won't be that easy to solve.
So you throw some meat in there, some herbs and spices.
This is you taking the time to find a solution that will work, giving a problem all the ingredients needed to be solved properly in time.  Once you're finished, you can enjoy the freedom that comes with the piece-of-mind, knowing you did things correctly and as they should be done, creating the perfect recipe-solution.

Your going to be hit with a lot of problems in time, and putting them off only makes things worse.  So don't avoid them, be careful and take your time in doing things right, and you'll be much more satisfied with your ending result.
I tried applying this theory towards homework and it's been working wonders... who knew that the solution to getting things done was as simple as... well, doing them?
Smart teachers.

Don't Give-Up

I putzed around a little this morning before heading to my math class and arrived two minutes before eight. My professor was already handing around the clipboard for attendance so my eyes scanned to room fast for a spot.  They passed over a guy in a red MN sweatshirt, then snapped back to the open computer next to him.  I took my seat and went to turn on my screen... but the damn thing wouldn't start. I was getting frustrated, and he watched me struggle for a couple of minutes before laughing.  He reached over me and proceeded to push the one button on the whole machine that for some reason I hadn't been able to find... it was the power button.
How Convenient.
I thanked him and laughed at myself to ease the embarrassment a little.  He told me no problem, he worked on computers all the time.  I don't really know anyone in that class so I grabbed at the opportunity for conversation.
If there is one thing I've found in all my years on this earth, it's that people really like to talk about themselves.  It is a subject that they never get bored of,  and the more questions I asked him the more I learned about his story.
He had dropped out of both high school and college, after struggling socially and falling behind academically in his classes.  He tried woking a full-time job for a couple of years, before he found he was really un-happy with his career and came clean with himself about needing to get an education.  So he went back and had to pretty-much start from scratch.
We didn't get much done in our class, and we found ourselves getting further and further off-topic as we talked.  One line, that he said at the very beginning of our conversation, stuck with me a while.  Even after class had already finished and I'd closed out of the program, screen still on problem number one.  He had shaken his head hard and waved his hands in a giant "x" gesture as he'd told me,
"I thought school was bad, but my job was worse so I came back. Don't ever drop out of college, just don't.  Because without it things really just fricken suck."
You know, sometimes the most unexpected people remind you of the most important things in the most unexpected ways.
I think Kevin was reminding me of how important it is to never, ever give-up.  Because things, I find, really always do get better.  And we are all capable of doing anything we put our minds too, as long as we work hard and go-out and get it. Things don't always go as planned, we are all too well aware of this fact. Every now and then, your gonna have to start over from scratch.
And that is perfectly okay.

Flashbacks

I was on my way to work today and I was running late, as I pretty much always am.  I whipped my car out of the driveway, took off down the street, and rounded the corner to come face-to-feace with a small girl (no I didn't hit her.)  She had just gotten off of the school bus, a couple blocks down now, and was probably walking home.  I took a second glance at her.  She was all decked-out; light-up shoes, a Mudd back-pack, and a Finding Nemo lunch box, carrying what looked to me like a Disney Princess notebook.  My heart fell a little.
I really like college, only three hours a day in school, waking-up early but getting out at like ten and having the rest of your day to get things  done.  It's pretty nice.
But now here I was, headed to work, while she went home to watch cartoons and fight over the best pieces of furniture for her barbie house with her sisters.  I remember being that little.
I didn't feel old, but almost immediately I became aware of time. Ten, maybe eleven years ago I was that little girl.  Trading gell-pens on the playground and eating glue just because someone dared me too.  Back when my homework assignments were crafts and coloring, not two hour geology lectures and college algebra.
I'll admit... I'm not fully grown-up.  As I sit here I can tell you that there are crayons spewed all over my desk, and my keyboard is sitting on top of a brightly-colored Tinker Bell folder.  However, I am old enough to be aware of how young I can no longer be and act (in public at least.)
I wanted to pull over and tell her to have fun, to enjoy freedom from responsibilities and worries.  To put-off growing up as long as she can.  That these are her days to dream, imagine, and believe that anything is possible.
I thought about this all the way to work... I left for work at two thirty, and arrived at two forty.  It's supposed to take me thirty minutes to get to work.
I wonder if that little girl will ever  grow-up to be be as bad of a driver as I am.

On Broken Hearts

When I was little, I learned to draw a heart. My hearts' shapes' were always pretty funny-looking, and I'd spend hours of frustration trying to get them perfect.

You start your pencil at the top of the paper, you make a few curves and a point, until they meet back together at the start.  

It doesn't take long for you to learn that a small squiggly line down the center is how to draw a "broken" one.

In Saturday morning cartoons, you see Deedee's heart pop right out of the screen at you and shatter into a million pieces.  She simply picks-up the pieces, glues it back together, and sticks it back into her chest. Good as new. 

If only it were that easy.

I know someone, whom very recently put herself out there for the first time, and took a chance with her best friend, to be more.  They saw each other for a short while, things weren't working, and it ended.  Happens all the time, right?

Sadly, yes.  But with what consequences?  In high school today, relationships aren't usually had because they want to be together forever, they generally last a matter of months.  both then wait a handful of weeks before moving on to the next eligable bachelors. 

For many this is routine.

But what about for those who really want to have something special, who are serious about finding the chemistry and making it work.  The ones that don't say "I love you" without a pause of consideration first. What happens to them?  

I remember crying, for so long after my heart broke the first time.  As many have or will find-out, it's not "broken" because it bursts into a million pieces at your feet.  It's not just anther adjective.  Somebody knew what they were doing when they created the term.

That's exactly how it feels, physically and mentally you feel like you'll never be whole again.  You cry not only out of sadness but out of pain, and your arms wrap around your stomach to hold yourself together, not to keep your heart from falling out of your chest onto the floor.

The only real cure for this kind of pain? 

                         Time.

My mom always told me you will never forget the first person you ever loved, that somehow, they will always be there.  I believe this is true, however I don't see it needing t be a bad thing.  Going through such pain makes you stronger, possibly more careful, and more experienced for the next time that something good comes around the corner.  And it will come.  There's always someone out there, willing to take the time to help you put the pieces back together... sometimes, much faster than you'd think.  You've just got to give it time.

Love You S.L.