Senseless Sensitivity

http://afizadayang.blogspot.com/2010/12/jealousy-is-hardest-emotion-to-hidejust.html

I’m talking about jealousy. 

You know, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and the back of your mind when a pretty little thing walks by and your guy turns his head to watch.

That internal doubt that comes around.  The feeling of self-consciousness.  The anger and heat that starts to form in your cheeks when your girl is laughing at  jokes made by a handsome stranger.

You ball-up your fists and bite your lip.  Walk towards them and slip your arm around her waist.  You lie, telling her you don’t feel good and you want to head out.  All the way home you question her about the man; what they talked about and how she knew him.  You bring it-up like some form of causal conversation.  You hear every word she is saying but you still feel like she’s hiding something from you, like you’ve been betrayed.

You start to become weary of every person of the opposite sex.  You start watching where his eyes roam in a public place, or begin to keep tabs on the places she says she is going.

Those little insecurities will eventually begin eating your nerves, and you’ll start small fights about things that don’t even matter.   You will convince yourself he or she is cheating before you even have any hard evidence to back your theory up. 

And slowly, your trust for them fades. 

You start doubting everything they say or do.  You check their email or go through their personal files- receipts, credit card statements, anything you can find.

Every move they make, every move by another girl or boy; becomes a threat to you.

You stop trusting their friends, the people they hang-out with.

This is all, the beginning of the end. 

From that first occurrence, your reaction to the situation can decide the way you treat your relationship from that moment on. 

And unless some dramatic event changes your outlook (you catch them actually cheating, you find something crucial while snooping..) you will continue to internally decompose the way you see your significant other, until they are nothing but unfaithful in your eyes.

I have always referred to jealousy as being a wasted emotion. I am, however, only human and I’ll admit, I have my moments.

I'll go to the mall with my guy and see girls who out-shine anything I might have. Be-it curves (god knows that's not hard ;) ), cute clothes, pretty eyes, or professional-looking hair styles that they didn't spend an ounce of energy doing. 

And I'll feel inferior to them.  

It is scary, to feel like something you love could leave you, or be ripped from your hands by someone else. Especially if you are acting based-off some sort of previous experience. 

But his constant reminders of his feelings for me out-wiegh any possibility of him leaving me for something he might think is better.  And I conciously choose to make little or no deal of the situation. 

The only way I see to possibly over-ride this common problem is by being honest with one-self:  your guy or girl is going to notice other guy or girls.  And they themselves are going to be noticed. 

If you don’t trust them to not do something about the situation, it may be time to look for another other.  But if you do trust them, then it’s only fair to them, and your own conscious, that you realize you’ve no reason to worry at all.

Jealousy is'nt a choice.  Your going to feel it, but how you act upon it is up to you.  It rears it's ugly head at the most unexpected moments and can take over your common sense in seconds.  So be cool, don't over-analyze the situation, and have a little faith in your gal or guy.

These words from first corinthians are commonly used as vows in weddings:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 

I like to think of them more as guidelines for all relationships.  Maybe if people started applying them before commitment, marriage wouldn't seem like such a big shocker for some ;)